Maryland Conservatarian

Let’s say you think the world needs a parody Tom Friedman column. Dutifully, then, you set out to create one. At a minimum you know you need to throw in the following elements:

• A display of a man-crush on Barack Obama,

• A gratuitous slap at George W. Bush,

• An example of just why the Chinese are awesome,

• A painful analogy or simplification to make it more comprehensible to the rest of us     and

• At least one reference to a past bit of Tom Friedman brilliance.

Or you could save yourself the trouble and just link to his May 18th column: Obama and the Oil Spill.

Let’s review:

• Man-crush on Barack Obama:

“To the contrary, Obama’s team has done a good job coordinating the cleanup so far. The president has been on top of it from the start.” [huh?]

• Gratuitous slap at George Bush:

“President Bush’s greatest failure was … his failure of imagination after 9/11 to mobilize the country to get behind a really big initiative for nation-building in America.” [actually this is just the start of his rant against the former President]

• The Chinese are awesome:

“So today, gasoline costs twice as much at the pump, with most of that increase going to countries hostile to our values, while China is rapidly becoming the world’s leader in wind, solar, electric cars and high-speed rail.”

• Painful analogy or simplification to make it more comprehensible to the rest of us:

“No, the gulf oil spill is not Obama’s Katrina. It’s his 9/11 — and it is disappointing to see him making the same mistake George W. Bush made with his 9/11.” [a two-fer]

• At least one reference to a past bit of Tom Friedman brilliance:

“I suggested a $1-a-gallon “Patriot Tax” on gasoline that could have simultaneously reduced our deficit, funded basic science research, diminished our dependence on oil imported from the very countries whose citizens carried out 9/11, strengthened the dollar, stimulated energy efficiency and renewable power and slowed climate change. It was the Texas oilman’s Nixon-to-China moment — and Bush blew it.” [another two-fer…or two-and-a-half -fer if you count the China mention]

Ahh, the “Patriot Tax”, he laments what might have been:

“Had we done that on the morning of 9/12 — when gasoline averaged $1.66 a gallon — the majority of Americans would have signed on.”

Umm okay, maybe…but the far-thinking Mr. Friedman didn’t suggest the “Patriot Tax” until October 5, 2003. And the initial impetus was to pay for the reconstruction of Iraq before we got around to using any excess funds on “other good works”.

As to all the good the tax would have done, well, all of Europe is a high fuel tax zone and places like Spain have spent billions on alternative energies. And today, as a result of all that feel-good kind of stuff, the EU imports over 70% of its fuel (it had been below 60% in 2000), the Euro is tanking and Spain has an unemployment rate of 20% to show for all its investments in the future of energy.

Mr. Friedman’s disappointment in the President is actually a point in the President’s favor.

UPDATE: Welcome Corner readers. Thanks to Jonah Goldberg!